If There IS a Day After Tomorrow…

21 Dec

According to loose interpretations of ancient Mayan prophecy, today is the last day before the end of the world. Doomsday Eve. Everybody is talking about it, and most are taking it in stride, laughing in the face of doom by throwing “end of the world” parties and hugging everybody as if they will never see them again (all in fun, of course).

Now…I’m not saying I believe any of this apocalyptic horsepucky, but perhaps I should have stopped at Walmart on my way home to stock up on toilet paper and matches. Just in case. Oh, sure, there are many items on a survivalist shopping list, but how many times have you left the store and smacked yourself in the forehead two hours later because you forgot the toilet paper? MHM. Exactly. And with my luck, I wouldn’t realize my mistake until the earthquakes start. (In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly HOW I’d realize that I had forgotten the toilet paper.)

So no, I haven’t been stockpiling food, medical supplies, flashlights, Snickers bars, my yet unread copy of 50 Shades. But now that I think about it, I may have subconsciously been preparing for the end of the world for weeks…without even realizing it.  I didn’t clean my house…so I guess I won’t have that awkward moment when you know an asteroid is coming and you look around and think, “Really? I finally vacuumed behind the television, and…really? Really??”

It’s probably serendipitous that I also did not get the tank filled with heating oil, since that would prove unnecessary if we end up hurtling toward the sun.

I haven’t paid my rent yet. If the world ends tomorrow, I’ll have some money to clutch in my hand, and can pretend I’m not dying penniless.

I didn’t schedule that appointment with my doctor, either, to save her office the trouble of robocalling me. “We’re calling from Dr. NNN’s office to cancel Susan’s appointment for tomorrow; Dr. NNN will be out of the office forever. We thought you should know that your test results will not be in until day after tomorrow. We are sorry for any inconvenience, and have a nice day.” (Oh, yes. My doctor’s office is THAT efficient.)

I did not buy any Christmas presents. If we make it to next Tuesday, my kids are going to be pissed.

Now that I think about it, I really haven’t done anything productive lately. So if Saturday rolls around, my “To-Do”  list is going to be pure evil. I will be busy.

And I’m sure I will be busy. Because I absolutely do not believe the world is going to end tomorrow. But I will confess that for a few moments tonight, I did let my mind wander to other things left unfinished…things I’ve always wanted to do, and haven’t. Yet…

I haven’t written a book.

I haven’t recorded an album.

I haven’t travelled out of the country. (Alabama does not count.)

I haven’t seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I haven’t found the perfect sticky bun recipe.

I haven’t achieved financial solvency for more than six hours.

I haven’t touched an elephant.

I haven’t seen the sun set over the Pacific Ocean.

I haven’t loved and been loved in return.

I haven’t been in a hot air balloon.

I haven’t gone to the Glass Skywalk at the Grand Canyon. (Oh, I’d chicken out after two steps, but that’s not the point.)

I’ve never had all my ducks in a row.

I’ve never kissed at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

So I guess what I’m saying is, there’s no time like the end of the world to make you think about all the things that are still on your “To-Do” list. And to be grateful that you still have the desire, and more time, to work on that list. And to resolve to get them done…someday…somehow.

And if I’m wrong –  if it turns out that there is no “day after tomorrow”…at least I can say that I died just how I always lived – with a whole lot of crap left to do.


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