My dear children, I have enjoyed being your mother for over twenty years. It has been my greatest challenge and most fulfilling joy. Watching you grow from clumsy, questioning toddlers to awkward, spirited teenagers, and ultimately strong, independent young adults has been the most rewarding undertaking of my life, and I thank you every day, in small and sometimes silent ways.
For the two of you, I learned to be confident. I learned to be strong. I learned how to have my heart broken and keep on loving with fervor. I learned how to be proud of another’s accomplishments, and to share in their failures without judgment. Put another way, I learned to love…wholly, completely, and without conditions.
Over the last twenty-something years, my role as your mother often required that I assume many other titles as well: Chef, Housekeeper, Chauffeur, Nurse, Event Planner, Plumber, Trainer, Cheerleader, Arbitrator, Carpenter, Therapist, Repairman and Translator. I have also had the pleasure of serving in such capacities as Walking Encyclopedia, Provider of Unwanted Grammar Corrections, Protector of Chastity, Abolitionist, Funeral Director for Defunct Pets, and The One Who Kisses Boo-Boos.
I want you to know how much these titles have meant to me over the years, and to reassure you that I will always be here for you both, cheering you on, supporting you in your separate endeavors, and loving you always. It doesn’t bother me in the least that you are both over eighteen and living at home; in fact, I love having you here with me. You are my life.
But after much thought, I have decided that it is time for you both to begin acting in an adult manner. To accomplish this, I must relinquish some of the beloved titles I have held for so long, and allow you the opportunity to fly, to soar out into the world as well-rounded, mature, responsible people.
So, from this point forward, and with much sadness, I give up the following responsibilities, and turn them over to you. It will be really hard not to be there for you in these roles any longer, but somehow, because I love you both so much, I will find a way to manage…..
The Only One In The House Who Realizes The Dishes Won’t Wash Themselves
The Person You Wake From A Sound Sleep To Ask “Can I Go To My Friend’s House Next Week?”
The One Who Turns Cruddy, Stiff, Disgustingly Dirty Socks Right-side-out For Washing
The Person You Blame For Your Lack of Money/Lack of Social Life/Abundance of Boredom
The Person You Wake From A Sound Sleep To Ask “Have You Seen My Phone Charger?”
Banker (Loan Department)
The One Who Gets Your Whites White, Your Colors Clean, and Doesn’t Shrink Anything
The Person You Wake From A Sound Sleep To Ask “Can You Take Me To WalMart?”
The Only Person Who Knows That Pencils Will Not Go Quietly Into A Vacuum Cleaner
The Only One Who Knows How To Clean A Toilet
The Only One Who Knows How To Clean A Litterbox
The Person You Wake From A Sound Sleep To Ask, “Is There Anything To Eat?”
It’s up to you now.
Fly, little ones.
Fly.
justamusingmyself 
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